Shaming Others
Shame is so prevalent in our culture today– especially in church, which is where I have spent my entire life. Now, nobody walks up to you and says, “Shame on you. You shouldn’t have…” fill in the blank. Nobody actually says that, but it’s implied. So we walk around with feelings of shame for the things we have done wrong. We get so discouraged with ourselves, our mistakes, our failures, and our shortcomings because people keep reminding us of them.
Why is that? We are Christians. We are supposed to be walking around full of grace and extending grace to others. Isn’t that what Jesus does for us? Jesus forgives us day after day for the same things over and over and over again.
Choosing to Extend Grace
You know what’s really hard? To extend grace to someone who has hurt us. Being a pastor’s wife, I am no stranger to hurt. People say things about my husband, about me, and about our ministry. Matt continually tells me, “We have to develop tough skin but keep a tender heart.” Let me tell you– I am bad at both of those things! I am not good at taking criticism from people. People can be mean. It’s especially hard to take criticism when the criticism isn’t even true.
When I am criticized, there are two things that I am really trying to work on. Number one, I am trying to learn not to defend myself. Number two, I am trying to learn not to shame those who are criticizing me, but extend grace to them, even when they have hurt me.
Choosing to Look Past the Hurt
There is a very familiar saying that says, “Hurting people hurt people.” Whatever is going on in their own personal life is directly impacting why they are lashing out at me. I have to ask God to help me extend grace to them instead of shame. I want to tell everybody around me how they hurt me, how untrue their words are, how unspiritual they are, and so much more. Instead, I have to choose to not talk about it with other people. That is hard! I want to shame them and put them in their place, but I have to choose to offer grace instead. Grace offers them dignity by not talking to others about it. Grace is hard! But grace is what I keep asking Jesus to give to me, so how can I not extend it to others!
