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Lies that We Believe about Ourselves

I’m reading Get Out of Your Head by Jennie Allen right now in my morning time and loving it. In her book, Jennie writes that her friend, a licensed therapist, told her that every lie we tell ourselves is rooted in one of these three lies.

I’m helpless.

I’m worthless.

I’m unlovable.

Jennie goes on to say, “Every lie we buy into about ourselves is rooted in what we believe about God.” That caught my attention. I went back and read it again. Those three lies are at the heart of every lie I believe about myself, and every time I give into believing one of those lies, I’m showing what I truly think and believe about God.

Let’s look at these lies in more detail.

Lie #1: I’m helpless.

This may not feel like something we tell ourselves very often. But before we check this off our list and move on, let’s expand on the thought. These may hit a little closer to home.

I can’t change.

I am dependent on _________________.

I’m tapped out.

I’m unable to…

I can’t do this anymore.

I am weak.

I’m ready to give up.

Do those hit a little closer to home? I know they do for me. In fact, those have been some of the thoughts I’ve had the last few weeks. January and February are notoriously months that I struggle with feeling depressed and discouraged. A lot of people do; it’s called seasonal affective disorder. In short, it’s winter depression. I find myself ready to give up every January and February. I feel like everything I am doing is a waste of time. Nobody cares. I usually want to just crawl back into bed, throw the covers over my head and binge read. Some people binge on Netflix; I binge on books.

So how do we refute the thought and lie that I’m helpless, ready to give up, tapped out, weak, unable to change?

We have to choose to believe what God says.

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Philippians 4:13 KJV

We are pressed on every side by troubles, but not crushed and broken. We are perplexed because we don’t know why things happen as they do, but we don’t give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going.

II Corinthians 4:8,9 TLB

We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ.

II Corinthians 10:5 MSG

We have to come back to God. It’s God who will give me the strength to be who and what I need to be. We may fall, but God helps us to stand back up and keep going. Matt and I say this to each other, “We may be knocked down, but we’re not out.” We have to tear down the thoughts that say I’m helpless and not give them power.

Lie #2: I’m Worthless

Why do women struggle so much with feeling worthless? We work hard at our jobs, care for our families, run our homes, constantly help others, yet we feel like none of this is enough. We feel we have no worth in who we are.

Yet, God has the exact opposite to say about us.

For you know that you were not redeemed from your vain way of life inherited from your fathers with perishable things, like silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot.

I Peter 1:18,19 MEV

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God.  Indeed, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Therefore do not fear. You are more valuable than many sparrows.

Luke 12:6, 7 MEV

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit them together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! It is amazing to think about. Your workmanship is marvelous—and how well I know it.

Psalm 139:13, 14 TLB

Do those verses sound like we have no value? Just the opposite, actually. God saw enough value in you that He gave his Son to redeem you. He created every part of you and knows you better than you know yourself. He knows how many hairs are on your head. That sounds like you are incredibly valuable to Him.

Lie # 3: I’m unlovable

If you didn’t relate to the first two lies, you can probably related to this one. Most women, including myself, struggle with feeling lovable. We are so incredibly hard on ourselves. Then because we’re hard on ourselves, we in turn are hard on those closest to us which makes us feel badly about ourselves… and that circles back to making us feel unlovable. It’s a vicious circle.

This is something I constantly struggle with. I am so hard on myself, never feeling like I’m doing enough, trying hard enough. Then I turn that attitude on my kids and push them to do more, work harder, do better. Then when I lie in bed in the dark of night, I feel guilty because I was too hard on my kids once again. That in turn makes me feel unlovable…and the cycle continues.

What does God have to say about it?

None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

Romans 8:38,39 MSG

And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully.

Ephesians 3:18,19 NLT

What marvelous love the Father has extended to us! Just look at it—we’re called children of God! That’s who we really are.

I John 3:1 MSG

You may have to take a moment to go back and read those verses to truly let them sink in. This lie, I am unloveable, is rooted in what I believe about God. If I believe this lie, I believe that God doesn’t really love me. And that, my friend is the furthest thing from the truth. That is a straight-up lie from the enemy. He wants you to feel that way, but that is so not true. The truth is that God loves you absolutely and completely and far more than your human mind could comprehend.

There is nothing in this world that can separate you from his love. It’s too vast for us to even begin to understand. We are his children. If you have kids, take a moment to think about how much you love them. You would do anything to protect your children, to make sure they know they’re loved, that they’re valuable, that they matter. Why would it be any different with God? Only, his love is so much greater than our human love.

The Truth

We, as Christian women as a whole, have believed these lies for far too long. It’s time to start believing the truth. Here’s the truth.

You are strong because you are a child of God.

You have incredible value and worth.

God loves you so much.

Write those truths down someplace where you can see them every day because it’s not enough to hear them one time. We need to hear these truths every day. Then, when we’ve begun to internalize these truths, we need to speak them into the lives of the women around us—our sisters, our daughters, our friends, our co-workers. Then, just for the fun of it, speak them to the men in your life too. They need to hear them as well.

How much could our lives change for the better if we stopped believing these lies about ourselves and started believing the truth instead? If we truly started believing that we are powerful through Christ, that we have incredible worth, and that we are so loved by God, we could begin to change our corner of the world. After all, we don’t have to change the entire world, just our corner of it.