Category Archives: Encouragement

All the Ways My Husband Has Hurt Me

The Fight

A few years ago, Matt and I had a fight. This wasn’t just any fight. This was a doozy. To this day, I don’t even remember what it was about. All I know is that I was mad. I remember taking out a notebook. Whenever I am upset and need to process what I am feeling, I always write down everything I am thinking and feeling in a journal. Well, this day, I decided to title the page– “All the Ways my Husband Has Hurt Me.” Basically it was everything I wanted to say to his face. I began a list, a long list of all the ways he had hurt me, the things he was wrong about, why I was upset at him, and so on. I came up with a lot. Honestly, I felt better when I got done writing. Then I sat and thought about how it was going to feel so good to prove my point and show him just how much he had hurt me.

Suddenly, I saw another expression in my mind’s eye. It was an expression of deep hurt on my husband’s face. I knew that if I gave him this paper, it would crush him. Was it worth it? Was it worth hurting him so badly just to prove my point? Just to prove that he was wrong and I was right? I knew it wasn’t. So I took the piece of paper, looked at it one last time, then ripped it out of the notebook, tore it up and threw it away.

I turned to another page in my notebook and began a new list. I entitled it– “The Things I Love About Matthew.” It took me a few begrudging minutes to get started, but then the words began to flow from my mind to the paper. By the time I was done, I had completely filled a paper, front and back, of what I love and appreciate about my husband.

The Resolution

A few hours later when Matt came back home, I didn’t say anything. I simply handed the paper to him. At that point, I was no longer angry. I had dealt with the problem. I asked God to forgive me where I was wrong, and I remembered again that the enemy was not my husband. I watched as Matt’s face fell before he even read the paper. I could see that he thought he knew what was coming and it wasn’t going to be good. Then I watched as he read the front, turned it over and read the back. By the time he got to the end, he had tears in his eyes. He said, “I’m so sorry,” and pulled me in for a tight hug.

We spent the next several hours discussing things, apologizing, and dealing with the problems. There have been so many times I have not handled our fights the right way. In fact, I’m ashamed to say that it took several years into our marriage for me to ever be the first to apologize. On that day, I finally did the right thing. Simply writing that list changed my attitude towards my husband, and that changed everything!

Obviously, that is not the last fight we have ever had. We still fight. Matt still hurts my feelings, and I still hurt him. Every couple fights, but when we focus on being kind and dealing with the problem instead of attacking each other, our relationship is not so devastated by these fights. We call this “fighting clean.” How I choose to respond to Matt in the midst of our worst fights has the power to heal the hurts between us or to deepen them and risk destroying our relationship.

 

Encouragement for the Weary Soul

 

Picture by John Mark Kuznietsov

Sometimes I am just weary. There really isn’t a better way to describe it than the word weary. The word itself even sounds tired. The last few weeks around my home have made me weary. The kids have been at each other all day every day, my girls have been throwing fits again constantly, we had some unexpected bills that put us behind financially, my husband has been having some problems with his feet, we usually take a vacation this time of year but can’t right now… the list goes on. Nothing horrible has happened, but when the everyday problems seem to keep accumulating without any reprieve, I get so weary. So when I read this verse in my morning Bible reading, it was such an encouragement to my heart!

For I have satiated the weary soul, and I have replenished every sorrowful soul.                  Jeremiah 31:25

The word satiate means “to quench; to extinguish.” The word weary means “faint, thirsty, to languish.” The word replenish means “to fill.” So God is saying that He quenches the thirsty and faint soul, and He fills the sorrowful soul. This is where I am right now. I feel faint-hearted and thirsty for more. I just can’t get enough done in a day, I can’t get my kids to stop fighting and having a bad attitude, I can’t be a good mom, and the list goes on. As much as I want to, I can’t fix this. I can’t satiate my weary soul, only God can.

I love the verse that comes next. In the next verse, Jeremiah writes,

Upon this I awaked, and beheld; and my sleep was sweet unto me. Jeremiah 31:26

When Jeremiah gets a hold of this truth, he starts sleeping better at night. He realizes that God will quench or satiate his weary soul and comfort his sorrowful soul. He realizes he can’t do anything about it. This makes me think of one of my favorite verses that I so often don’t follow.

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. I Peter 5:7

God didn’t create us to carry our own burdens. Every time I try to carry my own burdens, I get desperately weary. Only when I take those burdens to the Lord in prayer and stop worrying about them do I get the rest and care that I need.

So my encouragement for today is that God satiates (or fills) my weary soul and He carries my burdens for me.  If you are weary today, talk to God. Let Him take your burdens for you and let Him fill you up. That is the only recovery for a weary soul.

 

Stop Wavering in My Prayers

Do you ever ask God for something and He doesn’t answer, so you change your request or mind and stop asking? I have been struggling with this kind of wavering and didn’t even really realize it until a verse stopped me in my tracks last night. Let me give you the back story.

Starting a Church

My husband (Matt) and I planted a church in the greater Philadelphia area in 2011. We started guns a blazing and sure the church would grow to 200 in the first year. Well that was several years ago, and we still haven’t grown to 100 yet. It has been much more difficult and harder than we ever thought.

We  prayed and prayed and begged God to grow the church. We did all the “grow your church” ideas, read all the books, listened to the podcasts, etc. Our church just didn’t take off like we expected it to.

The Present

It still hasn’t taken off almost six years later. Lately, I have fallen into a bad pattern. I get so discouraged on Sunday nights and Mondays. I vacillate between begging God to grow the church, bring visitors, help people to be faithful to church and having faith that it is going to grow into a great work for God one day… to thinking maybe it is time for us to move on. Maybe it is time to hand the church over to someone else that can grow the church. Maybe we are good starters, but not growers for the church. Maybe God is moving us on.

So I was laying in bed last night and reciting some verses from James in my head. When I can’t go to sleep right away or get my mind to stop working at night, I quote Bible passages that I am memorizing in my head and I usually fall right to sleep. So I was reciting James 1 and verse 7 totally stopped me in my tracks.

For let not that man think he shall receive any thing of the Lord. James 1:7

What man is this talking about? What man is not going to receive anything from the Lord? It is referring to the man in verses 5 and 6.

 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.                                                                                                        But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. James 1:6

So if we are lacking wisdom in some area of our lives (us on how to grow the church), we are supposed to ask God for that wisdom. But we have to ask believing He will do it and not wavering. The word waver means “to withdraw from.” So when I ask God for wisdom on how to move forward and how to grow the church but then turn around and tell my husband I think it is time to move on, I am withdrawing my request from God. God says that the man who does this will not receive anything from Him. So am I bringing this all on myself? It kind of sounds like it.

 

The next verse takes it even another step further.

A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. James 1:8

So not only will I not receive anything from the Lord when I am wavering in my prayers, but I am going to be unstable in every other area of my life. Sheesh! I had better take heed and listen to what God is saying here!

My Commitment

So here is my conclusion. As hard as it is, I decided I need to stop wavering on my prayers for the church and follow through with the faith to believe God will answer my prayer. He will give us the wisdom to run the church. Whether or not it grows to be a big church or not is totally up to Him and has nothing to do with me.

What are you struggling with wavering in prayer on? This is our encouragement to stick with it and not give up! Is it wisdom for a relationship? A child who is far from God? A financial burden? The next step? Keep asking God for wisdom for whatever it is that you are wavering on and don’t give up. I am doing the same!

 

Matt preaching

Matt preaching at our church

*** Click on the link below to get a glimpse of our church***

                                           IMG_0151                                                  

Comfort for a Discouraged Heart

 

Bible open to passage

Nevertheless God, that comforteth those that are cast down, comforted us… II Corinthians 7:6

 

 

I needed this reminder this morning. God comforts me when I am cast down. How does He do it? The word comforteth means to “call near, to invite.” When I am depressed or discouraged, God calls me near and invites me to spend time with Him. Only after I spend time with Him can I receive His comfort.

When one of my kids is sad, I usually pull them up on my lap and talk to them and cuddle with them. This nearness of physical touch combined with letting them tell me what is on their heart is what encourages them and changes their sad heart to a happy heart. I think it’s the same with God. He wants us to come near to Him and tell Him why we are sad. Spend some time with Him and let Him encourage my sad heart.

How does this work practically? For me this morning, it looked like this…I made a good cup of coffee, grabbed my journal, my Bible, and a pen and sat down and spent some time praying, reading, and journaling. By the time I was done, my heart was encouraged, and I felt ready to face the day. Doing this habit every day is what keeps me going. It recalibrates my heart and my spirit and gives me what I need to get through my day. I also find that I am so much more productive on the days I spend time with God first!

Save

We All Need Worth

I think most people struggle to understand that they have worth and value, but I know women especially struggle with it. I know I sure do. So my husband’s message on Sunday was an encouragement to my heart. Here is  a recap of his message.

How We Define Our Worth

From an early age, we learn to define our worth through four ways.

  1. Through our appearance– how we look.
  2. Through other people’s approval– who we please.
  3. Through attention– who is looking at me?
  4. Through our activity– what I do.

We try our entire lives to find our worth through improving our appearance, trying never to displease anyone, trying to always be the center of attention, and competing with everyone around us. This just creates a lot of stress for ourselves and those around us.

The only way to discover your WORTH is to discover your WHY.

How God Defines Our Worth

Romans 8:28-31

28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

29 For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.

30 Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.

31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?

God has a plan for each of our lives, and He is working every day to accomplish that plan. When we begin to understand that truth, we begin to work with Him and not against Him. We exist to reflect the goodness of Jesus through our identity, relationships, and the worth we bring to other’s lives. We find our worth because of the value we bring to other people’s lives.

We showed this video clip on Sunday. It’s a great example of someone who has found their purpose (their why) and because of that, knows her worth. This is Joanna Gaines from HGTV’s show Fixer Upper.

http://https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7iPEDnqwm0

Stop and Enjoy the Beauty of Today

adn-he-changeth-the-times-anseasons

My kids keep talking about Christmas and looking at all the toy magazines we get in the mail. I, on the other hand, am just trying to enjoy the beauty of today. It is fall time! I am enjoying pumpkin spice coffee, my vanilla pumpkin marshmallow candle, the cool and crisp weather, the changing leaves, and the incredible scenery all around me. I’m so glad that God created fall!!

Sometimes I just need to remind myself to enjoy today. Enjoy the season I am in– whether it is the actual season or the season of life. Life just flies past, so I have to choose to stop for a moment and enjoy the beauty of today.

Save

Save

Save