Tag Archives: encouragement

10 Things You Can Do to Combat Burnout

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girl with head on desk in burnout

My Friend’s Text

A friend of mine messaged me this week that she is at the edge of burnout. She didn’t use those words exactly, but after she told me how she is feeling…that is the word I would use to describe what she’s going through. She told me she feels tapped out in every area of life and just can’t keep going. That is the very definition of burnout. Webster’s Dictionary defines burnout as “exhaustion of physical or emotional strength usually as a result of prolonged stress or frustration.”

Have you been there? Are you there right now? We all have times in our lives when we just hit the wall, when we just absolutely feel like we can’t keep going. With life so incredibly stressful now with the lasting impact of Covid, the social unrest, the stress of finances, and more, so many of us are facing burnout.

My Burnout

I went through a season of serious burnout about six years ago. It was right on the heels of a car fire we had. Multiple things merged during that time that sent me spiraling into burnout. 


Because of the real fear I felt, knowing that someone had set fire to our car, I no longer slept well at night. Add to that a baby and a toddler and two other young kids, I was exhausted all the time. This was also around the time that we had several church members get mad at us and leave the church. On top of all that, we were trying to grow our church and find a new building to meet in. I was past being able to handle life.


I felt unloved, helpless, overlooked, overworked, exhausted, tapped out, and stressed out of my mind. What resulted was an inability to be around people. That is not good when you’re a pastor’s wife. Although I knew it wasn’t healthy, I honestly just could not be around people. I just wanted to be alone or with my family. This, in turn, only added to my guilt and frustration.

It took me a good eighteen months to get through that season of life. Though it was long and hard, God got me through it.

How are You Handling Life?

Have you been there? Are you there now? Everybody handles burnout differently. You may be handling your burnout fine all day at work, but then you come home and fall apart. You eat junk food and binge tv late into the night to cope. Maybe you’re home all day with kids that are home from school from covid and you can’t take one more minute. So what results is mom screaming and yelling all day long, only to fall in bed at night in tears for the way you handled yourself with your kids. Maybe you pull away from everybody and spend copious time alone. Maybe you try to find an escape, spending money you don’t have just to feel good and try to find an escape. I am guilty of doing all of these things at one time or another.

Encouragement


Let me first encourage you that burnout is not bad. Burnout is simply your body and mind’s way of telling you you’ve pushed too hard for too long. It’s a warning that if you don’t back off now, there will be literal physical consequences to your body. 
So if you’re in a season of burnout right now, it’s time to stop and notice what your body is trying to tell you.

Let me share with you some things that helped me. Hopefully, one or two of them will help you get through your season of burnout.

10 Things You Can Do to Combat Burnout

  1. Get extra rest. During this season, you are going to need more rest than usual. Find ways to get extra rest. Fit in a nap when you can. Try to go to bed earlier at night on the nights you can.
  2. Plan a weekly day off. You need to have one day a week that you do nothing stressful. Do something that you enjoy on that day.
  3. Find quiet time. Find time away from everybody, away from the traffic and noise of the city, and go somewhere to find peace and quiet, even if it’s only for an hour. Go sit at a park, take a walk, find a lake to sit next to…do something to get away for just a little bit and give yourself breathing room.
  4. Remove extracurricular activities for a time. Get rid of anything but the essentials. Say not to anything you can just until you get past this season. You need to find ways to remove some of the stress right now.
  5. Make things easy for yourself right now. Throw food in the crock pot every morning so you don’t face 5pm decision fatigue trying what to decide to cook for dinner. Order groceries online and pick them up or better yet, get them delivered. 
  6. Develop a morning time routine. It’s imperative that you find time to spend with God daily right now. This will help keep you grounded and keep you from spiraling out of control and doing something you regret.
  7. Read an encouraging book. Find a book that can encourage your heart.
  8. Listen to uplifting Christian music. Create a list of music on Spotify that contains only spiritually uplifting music.
  9. Do something for yourself for fun. Buy a new book, some new art supplies, a cute shirt or pair of shoes, a writing journal, a new wall painting, or whatever small joy that brings a smile to your face.
  10. Let someone know you are struggling so they can pray for you and check in with you. Suffering alone is the absolute worst thing you can do.

This Time Will Come to an End

It’s important to remember that nothing lasts forever. This season of burnout won’t last forever, even though it feels like it will. God will get you through this season. Stay faithful to Him and let Him carry you through this time. Here’s a few verses to encourage your heart.

Thank God because he’s good, because his love never quits.

Psalm 118:1 MSG

In my distress I prayed to the Lord, and the Lord answered me and set me free.

Psalm 118:5 NLT

I was right on the cliff-edge, ready to fall, when God grabbed and held me.

Psalm 118:13 MSG

No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.

I Corinthians 10:13 MSG

More on This Topic

For More Encouragement on this topic, check out my post Fresh Hope for a Burned-Out Life. I recommend Present Over Perfect: Leaving Behind Frantic for a Simpler, More Soulful Way of Living by Shauna Niequist and Breaking Busy: How to Find Peace and Purpose in a World of Crazy by All Worthington.

Discouraged? 12 Ideas to Try

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graphic heading: 12 ideas

A Bad Start to A New Year

It’s been a week! We started out the new year ready to let go of 2020 and all the negativity that came with it. Yet, here we are, just days into the new year and it’s a mess again. As a result, you are probably feeling as hopeless and discouraged as I am.

Our Reminder

However, I listened to a message by Rick Warren that reminded that Jesus’ kingdom is not of this world. Jesus told us repeatedly that He was not of this world and that his kingdom was not of this world. When it was time to go to the cross, Jesus rebuked Peter when he tried to fight off the guards who were preparing to take Jesus away. He looked at Peter and said, “If I wanted to fight, I could call legions of angels at this very moment.” But that was not God’s plan.

God’s plan has never been to make this earth perfect. He told us in John 16:32, that in this world we will have tribulation. That’s because this world is full of sinful people. We live in a broken, sinful world. We can focus on that and be discouraged, or we can focus on the fact that this isn’t our home.

Jesus reminds us in the book of John that He was not of this world, just as we are not of this world.

I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.

John 17:14 KJV

They are no more defined by the world
Than I am defined by the world.

John 17:14 MSG

This World Doesn’t Define Me

When we get discouraged and disillusioned by all that’s going on around us, we need to remind ourselves with this truth— this world doesn’t define us. This world of sin, brokenness, and hatred does not define us.

We need to take our eyes off of our circumstances and everything going on around us and look up. Remember where our kingdom is. We are part of a heavenly kingdom, a place where there is no sin.

So, what do we do in the meantime until we get to that heavenly kingdom? Because right now we’re stuck in a world of hatred and hurt. Here are twelve ideas to try when you are discouraged to get your mind off of things around you.

Twelve Ways to Be Filled Up

  1. Find encouragement and strength by starting your mornings with God. Start a morning time routine.
  2. Read inspirational and encouraging books that help you focus on the good in life and not all that’s taking place around us. Check out Manney Resources for books to encourage your heart.
  3. Listen to uplifting, God-centered music. Try these 3 Songs to Encourage Your Heart.
  4. Spend time with friends or family. Sometimes just being around people that love you and that aren’t going to drag you down can really help at times like these.
  5. Don’t look at social media or watch the news. Take a break from all the negativity.
  6. Plan a fun night with your family— a movie night, a game night… something to get your mind off all the negativity around you.
  7. Take a nap. Getting extra rest can be really helpful to take away the feeling of helplessness or depressing thoughts.
  8. Buy one thing that brings you joy. Buy some fresh flowers for your table, a candle that you love, a puzzle to work on, some new nail polish, a new pair of earrings, a new book… something that brings you joy.
  9. Bake some cookies to take to your neighbors or take a meal to someone who is having a hard time.
  10. Drive somewhere new and explore the area. Find a new restaurant or coffee shop to try.
  11. Get a craft kit and create something or try your hand at something new like sewing, knitting, painting, etc.
  12. Pick one drawer, closet, or space in your home that you want to organize and feel good about it when it’s done.

Remember…

These are just some simple ideas to help get our focus off of everything around us. The most important thing to remember is that we are not defined by this world, just as Jesus wasn’t defined by this world. Let that thought encourage you today.

3 Truths You Need to be Reminded of This Christmas

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Macey and Me at the Hershey store

Four Suicides Too Many

Overall, Christmas 2020 looks a little different than any other year. This year has been a year like no other. Some people have been able to continue on as if nothing ever happened, and others have had their lives literally torn apart. I started a file of pictures on my phone of people that we know that have taken their lives this year. Right now, I have four pictures in that file. That’s four lives too many; four lives cut short way too soon. My heart breaks every time I look at those photos.

I keep those photos because I don’t want to forget the huge impact this year has had on some people. Unsurprisingly, this year, more than any other year, we have dealt with divorce, infidelity, depression, and suicide more than any other year in our ministry.

3 Truths Somebody Needs to Hear From You

I say all that to encourage you with this— Don’t underestimate the power of a kind word this season. This year more than ever, we need to remind the people in our lives of these three truths:

  • They are loved.
  • They have value.
  • They are needed.

If you’re not struggling this year or this season, use your strength to help someone else. Give your love to somebody this Christmas. Write a card, call someone just to let them know you are thinking of them, cook a meal for a family, send flowers, do Christmas for a family. If you look around, you won’t find it hard to find someone who needs extra love and encouragement this Christmas season.

3 Truths You Need to Hear

Maybe you are at a place where you need to hear these truths yourself. Maybe you are the one who needs to hear these truths. So, let me repeat them.

  • You are loved.
  • You have value.
  • You are needed.

Don’t believe the lie of the devil that your family would be better off without you. We’ve been there too many times to pick up the pieces after a suicide. Let me tell you—the family and friends left behind have never been better off. Their hearts and lives are beyond devastated, and they aren’t sure if they will ever be whole again.

Whatever you are dealing with or going through right now, I know with one hundred percent certainty that your family is not better without you. They need you. They can’t do life without you.

More Encouragement

Two of the Christmas songs that I am loving this year are Hope is Here by Building 429 and Behold Him by Francesca Battistelli. Both songs came out within the last month or two. Listen to the words and let them encourage your heart as they have mine.

For more posts like this, read Now is Probably Not the Time and What Now?

**With a post like this, I feel that I need to say that if you are seriously struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, please get the help you need. Get professional help. There is no shame in that. We all need extra help sometimes.


My Meltdown this Week and My Reminder

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picture of mom and daughter
My daughter, Maggie and I

My Meltdown

I hit the wall this week. I’ve been doing okay with staying home and life being crazy. I’ve continued to homeschool my kids each day. I’ve kept up with my writing goals and the work I need to accomplish. I kept telling myself, “It’s okay. We will get through this. It’s not much longer.” Then I saw that my part of the world is not going to open until June, and that’s when I lost it. That’s when I had a meltdown.

Suddenly, I didn’t feel like I could do one more day of this quarantine. I wanted everything back to normal like right now! I felt like I was going to go insane!

I spent about three days in this state, totally discouraged, frustrated, at the end of my rope. I didn’t feel like homeschooling or doing my work, I was frustrated with my kids, and felt overwhelmed with life. I kept asking God to help me snap out of it. I finally made myself sit down and think about what was really bothering me and making me so frustrated. I finally was able to pin it down. It was the fact that I didn’t see an end in sight.

Choosing to Focus On Today and Avoid the Meltdown

God brought to mind a lesson I thought I learned about two years ago that I needed to be reminded of again. I needed to be reminded to just take it one day at a time. Just focus on what I need to do today to get through. If I would have remembered that, I probably could have avoided my three-day meltdown. Once I let that thought take root, I finally had peace for the first time in three days. God calmed my heart. I focused on what I needed to do that day and let everything else go.

I didn’t think about the beach trip that we missed because of the Coronavirus. I chose not to think about the fact that I couldn’t be in Illinois helping my sister and her family pack so they could move to Kentucky. I decided not to try to figure out when and how we would reschedule our trip to see my family in Colorado. I pushed thoughts away from trying to figure out when we would be able to have church again, when I would be able to go to Barnes and Noble or the library or the park again, and took a deep breath and just focused on today. Because something I learned but had to remind myself of again is that in the midst of a difficult time, the best thing I can do is focus on what I need to do to get through today.

Our Season of Difficulty

About two years ago, God took our family through a difficult season. You can read more about our story in a post I wrote- 5 Ways to Move Forward After a Difficult Season. Matt and I have spent a lot of time talking about what God took us through. We think it’s not a coincidence that God took us through a season of testing and great financial difficulty about two years before Coronavirus would hit. God knew our friends and family and those we minister to would be hit with financial difficulty, job loss, layoffs, reduced pay, frustration, fear of the unknown, and more.

I read a verse in my morning time this week that I feel like sums up where I am at personally after that difficult time in our lives.

As you, God, gently and powerfully put me back on my feet. Psalm 86:17 MSG

I have quickly fallen in love with this verse. I feel like He has gently but powerfully placed me back on my feet. I’ve come through the other side and can offer help and encouragement to those who are in a difficult season right now.

5 Reminders to Make It Through a Difficult Time

When I look back on that time in my life, I think about these five things that helped me to make it through. I needed to be reminded of them again this week.

  1. Just take it one day at a time. Don’t look at tomorrow, next week, or next month. Just focus on making it through today.
  2. Don’t make any big decisions right now. Now is not the time to make major life decisions.
  3. Keep up with your morning time routine, or start one if you don’t already have one. Read my 3 Quick Tips for a Successful Morning Time to get started with a morning time routine. My morning time routine of Bible reading, praying, and journaling was the single most important thing that kept me sane during that difficult time in my life.
  4. Hold on to hope. Keep believing that God will get you through this time because He will. If you lose hope, you lose your ability to make it through.
  5. Write down at least one thing every morning that you are grateful for. During hard times, we lose focus and our bearings on reality. Writing down something every day that is good in our lives is a way to keep us grounded.

The Danger of Walking Away from God

“It is when life is just happening that we are in danger of walking away from God.” from my book, The Hidden Pain: When You Fear God is No Longer Blessing Your Life

If we’re not careful, it’s times like these that we can find ourselves drifting away from God. We’re not attending church, we can’t meet with our small group, our routine is off because we are working from home… If we’re not careful, we will walk away from this time finding ourselves far away from God.

To keep that from happening, we have to choose to stay faithful today. We just have to make it through one more day. Soon enough, we will be on the other side looking back. We will see how God carried us through this difficult season and we stayed faithful during the midst of it.

Resources for Encouragement

books and journals
A few of my resources

If you are looking for a book to read while stuck at home or need a journal for your morning time routine, check out my Amazon Author page for my books and journals. 

Being at home and separate from family and friends can make even the most non-people person become lonely and discouraged. Matt and I have created a free ten-day devotional called You Are Not Alone: Discovering the Presence of God in the Promises of God. You can get a copy of this free devotional HERE. 

Can You Really Find Hope In a Crisis?

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two people in masks sharing a drink during a crisis
photo credit: cottonbro

Whew! What a week! Does this picture say it all or what? As everything seems to be falling apart around us, I just wanted to remind us of three truths that can bring hope during this crisis.

God Hasn’t Forgotten You

I am here to remind you that God hasn’t forgotten you. He sees what your family is going through. Knowing the future, He can see how this loss of income is going to set your family back. He knows that you are fearful for your family member with the weakened immune system.

Remember Hagar, from Genesis? Hagar was Sarah’s servant. When Sarah saw she couldn’t bear any children, she told her husband Abraham to sleep with Hagar. Hagar gets pregnant, and Sarah gets mad. Hagar experiences her own crisis. Sarah sends her out into the desert, and Hagar fears she and her son are going to die there. So Hagar sits down and cries. God comes to Hagar and tells her to go back to Abraham and Sarah. He tells her that He is going to bless her and her son. Hagar responds, “You are the God who sees me.”

She answered God by name, praying to the God who spoke to her, “You’re the God who sees me! Genesis 16:13 MSG

Hagar was amazed that God saw her in her time of need. El Roi is the Hebrew name for God meaning, “the God who sees me.” In the midst of this crisis, be reminded that God sees you. He hasn’t forgotten you, and He will see you through this difficult time.

God is Still Good

One of my favorite songs right now is I Know by Big Daddy Weave. Here are the words to the chorus.

I know that you are good
I know that you are kind
I know that you are so much more
Than what I leave behind
I know that I am loved
I know that I am safe
Cause even in the fire to live is Christ, to die is gain
I know that you are good

I Know by Big Daddy Weave

The lyrics don’t do it justice. You need to listen to it! When life goes crazy all around us, we are tempted to look around and question God’s goodness. We think thoughts like, “If God were good, He wouldn’t…” Consequently, this just makes us more discouraged. Don’t let your mind go there. Instead, choose to focus on God’s goodness.

An easy way to focus on God’s goodness is to take five minutes each morning in the days and weeks to come to write down three things you are thankful for. After a few days of this, you will begin to remember that God’s goodness is interwoven into every area of our lives.

I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Psalm 27:13 KJV

If we choose not to believe in God’s goodness, we will give up and feel powerless to move forward. We have to focus on God’s goodness. Remind ourselves of who He is, and focus on Him, not our circumstance.

This Will Come to End

The coronavirus crisis won’t last forever. Soon enough, we will be wearing t-shirts that say, “I Survived the Coronavirus of 2020!” Just like everything else in life, this will pass. Peter reminds us of this in I Peter.

Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: I Peter 1:6 KJV

The three words for a season reminds us that nothing is forever. Trials and hard times come and go. Solomon reminds us in Ecclesiastes that there is a season and a time for everything. Just as God has gotten you through trials in the past, He will carry you through this crisis.

When we understand that God hasn’t forgotten us, choose to focus on God’s goodness, and remember this won’t last forever, we can find the hope we need to get through this crisis.

Othe Encouragement

If you enjoyed this post, check out my book, The Hidden Pain: When You Fear God Is No Longer Blessing Your Life. This book is an encouragement for anyone going through a difficult season, and that includes all of us right now.

When You Feel Like God Has Forgotten You

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Feeling Alone

Do you ever feel utterly alone? Do you sometimes feel as though God has forgotten you? We know God says He will never leave us, nor forsake us. So why do we feel at times that He is so far away?

Are you facing pressures and frankly feel like God has forgotten you? You are not alone. There are times when I feel like my prayers aren’t being answered. I feel like He isn’t listening to me. Sometimes it’s a feeling that comes and goes; other times, it’s a feeling that won’t go away.

What do you do when God hasn’t answered your prayers, and you feel like He is silent? What happens when you don’t know the next step to take and feel utterly alone?

God Left Hezekiah

A few weeks ago, I read a really interesting verse in II Chronicles during my morning time. I was reading about the life of Hezekiah. Hezekiah was the thirteenth king of Judah. He sought God with all his heart in every aspect of his life, and God prospered him because of it.

And in every work that he began in the service of the house of God, and in the law, and in the commandments, to seek his God, he did it with all his heart, and prospered. II Chronicles 31:21

Great things happened during Hezekiah’s reign. God defended Hezekiah and his people and blessed them during his reign. But there’s a very interesting verse that appears in II Chronicles 32.

…God left him, to try him, that he might know all that was in his heart. II Chronicles 32:31

If you read in II Chronicles, you read all about Hezekiah’s success and blessing from God; and then all of a sudden you stumble upon this verse. What? God left him… God left Hezekiah?

Hezekiah sought God with all his heart. He was a Godly king who did everything right. Yet God left him.

When God is Silent

I realize that this is the Old Testament, and the Holy Spirit hadn’t come to earth to stay yet. So God’s presence came and went in the Old Testament. If we are saved, we now have the Holy Spirit living inside of us. We can’t truly be without God. But consider this for a moment. If God left a Godly king for a time to see what was in his heart, could it be possible that God allows us times when He is silent in our lives? Does He allow us to go through a time where it is “as if” He left us so that He can see what’s in our heart?

I believe it is entirely possible. How do I know this? Because I have been through it a few times in my life. I have encountered a few specific times when God is absolutely silent. I still have my morning time every morning when I pray, read my Bible and journal. There’s no great sin in my life that I’m aware of. I am actively seeking God with all my heart. And yet…He seems so far away. I pray and don’t get any answers. I feel like I am walking in absolute darkness.

Could it be that God uses these times to test what is in our hearts? Will we continue to follow Him even when we can’t see our way clearly? Do we trust Him explicitly even though it doesn’t make sense? Is our faith strong enough to withstand the silence? Will I stay faithful, when all I want to do is run?

What Do You Do When God Seems So Far Away?

I don’t know if you have ever had a time like this in your life? Maybe you are there right now. I am. I am in a place where I need to hear God’s voice and know His peace. Yet right now, He feels so far away. What do you do during this time? How do you get through?

I don’t have all the answers. I haven’t gotten this all worked out yet, but I do know three things that we have to do during times of uncertainty.

1. Wait. Don’t move from where God has you. Don’t make any major decisions during this time. In other words, don’t do anything stupid.

Therefore, my brethren dearly beloved and longed for, my joy and crown, so stand fast in the Lord, my dearly beloved. Philippians 4:1

Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him… Psalm 37:7

2. Choose Joy. As hard as it is, choose to joy in the circumstance.  Choose joy in the midst of the uncertainty.

Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice. Philippians 4:4

My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. James 1:2-4

3. Stay Faithful. God hasn’t forgotten you. Know this: The work God is doing in your life and in mine is for a purpose and for a season. This time of testing and proving won’t last forever. Nobody’s testing and trials in the Bible lasted forever. The testing served its purpose, and then the trial was over. Until we have the answers, our job is to stay faithful.

And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, Lord, hast not forsaken them that seek thee. Psalm 9:10

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
Ecclesiastes 3:1

This time of silence will come to an end. God is still there. He hasn’t forgotten you. He is testing you to see what is in your heart. Wait for Him to work, choose to joy in this season, and stay faithful.

4 Ways to Encourage Yourself in the Lord

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There comes a time in every Christian’s life when you must learn to encourage yourself in the Lord. There is only so much help you can get from listening to preaching, reading an inspiring book, or listening to an uplifting song. Eventually, a time will come in your life when you are going to need something more. You are going to need God Himself to encourage you. It is a time when the trial is so great, the pain so intense, that your hope is gone. This is exactly where we find David in I Samuel 30.

David’s Hopeless Situation

For a time, David and his men and their families lived in the city of Ziklag. David and his men left to go help fight in a battle. They ended up not being needed in the war, so they returned home. Upon their arrival, they are met with an awful scene. The fierce Amalekites have invaded Ziklag, taken all the women and children captive, and burned the city with fire.

So David and his men came to the city, and, behold, it was burned with fire; and their wives, and their sons, and their daughters, were taken captives.

Then David and the people that were with him lifted up their voice and wept, until they had no more power to weep.

And David’s two wives were taken captives, Ahinoam the Jezreelitess, and Abigail the wife of Nabal the Carmelite.

 And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the Lord his God. I Samuel 30:3-6

David’s Encouragement

The men with him were in such shock and grief that they spoke of stoning David, their beloved leader. David is in an awful place. He is grieving for his own loss, and now he must face his men who are angry with him and want to kill him.

David did the only thing he knew to do, he turned to God. This was his habit, his go-to in bad situations. In the midst of loss and fear, David took time to give himself courage by spending time with  God.

How do you encourage yourself in the Lord? Matt and I have this outstanding joke that when the Bible talks about encouraging yourself in the Lord, it refers to having Mexican food. We are pretty sure that when David encouraged himself in the Lord, he went and ate Mexican food– some fajitas with chips and salsa and guac. Maybe not, but I have found a few things that have worked for me over the years.

4 Ways to Encourage Yourself in the Lord

  1. First I pray. I talk to God about everything that is on my mind– my burdens, hurts, frustrations, and pressures. I talk to Him honestly and openly about my problems and ask for His help.
  2. Next, I read my Bible and journal. If I need encouragement, I turn to Psalms or the Gospels. I spend time reading God’s words and just let Him speak to me. I have a journal that I use every day for my morning time with God, and I use that to write down what encourages me.
  3. Then I release write. For this, I use a different journal. I have a journal specifically for release writing. In it, I write out my frustration, exasperation, hurt, pain, whatever it is. I write it all down and get it out of my head. I find this helps me to be able to process what I am dealing with instead of just letting it roll around in my head, paralyzing me from moving forward.
  4. Lastly, I do something that encourages my spirit. I might go for a quiet walk, read an uplifting book, or listen to an encouraging podcast or good music.

These steps don’t fix the situation, but they give me the encouragement I need to keep moving forward. What about you? How do you encourage yourself in the Lord?

 

 

3 Ways to Develop Deep Friendships

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My Reminder on Sunday

Sometimes I forget how valuable good friendships are, and then something happens to remind me. This past Sunday was just that. Matt and I were tired Sunday morning after a long week. We had been dealing with a difficult situation all week and were weary and discouraged. After church, good friends of ours stuck around until everyone had left just to talk to us. They asked how we were doing, asked what our thoughts were about some things, and just listened as we talked. The longer we talked, it was like the burden began to lift. They honestly couldn’t really do anything to fix the situation we were facing, but they began to help carry the burden with us. By the end of the conversation, my friend and I were laughing hysterically. Our husbands both stopped and looked at us and asked what was so funny. It was so good to laugh! It was so freeing. I didn’t realize how tense and worked up I had been.

Friends Help Carry Your Burdens

I left that conversation and went home with a smile on my face and a lightness in my heart. Nothing had changed, but at the same time, everything had changed. Our friends had come alongside and carried our burden with us. There is an old proverb that says:

A joy shared is a double joy. A burden shared is half a burden.

That is exactly how it feels when someone carries your burden with you. It doesn’t feel quite so heavy and cumbersome anymore, and you don’t feel so alone. When you are struggling, and your faith is waning, a good friend comes along and helps carry you through. They have faith enough for the both of you.

David and Jonathon

I think David felt this when Jonathon met with him in I Samuel 23. David had been on the run from Jonathon’s dad, King Saul for a long time. He was weary, tired, discouraged, even angry.

…And Saul sought him every day, but God delivered him not into his hand. I Samuel 23:14

David could not escape Saul. He was constantly on the run, constantly alert and vigilant. He had to be so worn out and discouraged. I find it interesting that Saul couldn’t find David, but just a few verses later, Jonathon is able to find and meet with David.

And Jonathon Saul’s son arose, and went to David into the wood, and strengthened his hand in God. I Samuel 23:16

Jonathon goes to David and talks to him and encourages him and somehow he fortifies David’s faith in God. That’s what really good, Godly friends do. They strengthen your faith and fortify your spirit to keep trusting God and to keep staying faithful.

Good Friendships Take Work

This week reminded me to keep working on my friendships. Good friendships don’t come easy. They take work, but they are worth it! I remember a time when Matt and I didn’t really have any close friends. We have had to work to cultivate the friendships we have now.

3 Ways to Develop Deep Friendships

Here are three things we have learned over the years that have helped us to develop these kinds of friendships.

  1. Be hospitable. Have friends over. Make a nice meal, play games, chat over dessert and coffee, watch a movie, do whatever works for you. The more time you spend together, the more the relationship will grow. And the more relaxed you are, the more relaxed your friends or potential friends will be, and that will help to cultivate a relationship.
  2. Be real. Nobody likes a phony. As you try to grow friendships, let the real you show. You don’t want to pretend to be somebody you are not, or you will forever have to keep that up. Let people get close to the real you, and let them decide if they want to be your friend.
  3. Just show up. Good friends keep showing up for each other. Keep listening to your friend’s burdens and frustrations. Don’t try to tell them how to fix things, or what to do differently. Simply be a friend. Go through life together– the good and the bad.

Photo credit: Tatiana Vavrikova

 

What Kind of Dad Do You Think You Have?

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My Kids’ Dad

My husband Matt is such a good dad to our kids. He loves each of them so much! One of his favorite things to do is to take them on dates and buy them a toy. As much as I try to keep us on budget and not spoil the kids too much… there is Daddy, always ready to shower them with more love, grace, and gifts.

I see this all the time with my kids’ dad. So why is it so hard for me to see my heavenly Dad this way? So many times I don’t see God anything like this. I don’t see God as my doting Father wanting to love on me, spend time with me, and shower me with gifts. Instead, I see Him more as a disapproving Dad, a Dad that focuses on all my sins, failures, and short-comings. I see the disciplinarian Dad, taking me through another trial to make me better, change me, grow me, and rub the rough edges off.

My Heavenly Dad

But God is so much more than just a strict disciplinarian Father. He is better at being a Dad than any earthly dad could ever be! How do I know this? His Word says so.

If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? Matthew 7:11

 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. James 1:17

Sometimes I wonder if God looks down at me when I’m feeling so discouraged and unworthy of God’s love and asks me,” What kind of Dad do you think you have?”

God’s Plan for My Life

Just as Matt can see and understand what our kids need more than they can, so my Heavenly Father knows what I need more than I do. He knows that the thing I have been so afraid to do is what is going to radically change me. He knows that the prayer request I have been praying for for several years is not going to be answered the way I think it is, but His answer and plan is going to be so much better.

His plan for me involves waiting right now because the rest of the story hasn’t played out yet. If He brought it to pass now, I would only see half of the blessing He has prepared.

God’s Plan for Your Life

I don’t know where you are at in life right now. Maybe you are waiting for a relationship, and it just won’t come. Maybe you are in financial need and no matter how much you pray and work hard, you just can’t get ahead. Perhaps it’s a health problem, a relationship difficulty, a job need that seems so out of reach, maybe it’s loneliness or failure. Maybe you have convinced yourself for so long, like I have, that you just don’t deserve God’s help and love, that you are unworthy, lazy, unlovely, incapable. And the whole time, your Heavenly Father is looking down on you and asking…

What kind of Dad do you think you have? I see the full picture, and it is more beautiful than you could ever imagine! Trust Me. Believe in Me. Joy in Me. For I am your Father, and I love you more than you will ever understand this side of Heaven .

Encouragement for a Weary Heart

Sometimes I just need to be reminded of a few of my favorite verses.

The Lord hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee. Jeremiah 31:3

Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. Jeremiah 33:3

As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the Lord is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him. Psalm 18:30

So I ask you in the midst of life’s pressures and struggles, what kind of Dad do you think you have?

sunrise

Photo credit: Frank Mckenna

What to do After Failure?

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On Sunday, in church, my husband Matt was preaching about how to handle failure. He had us stop and write in our notes where we have failed. He said that you can not move forward past failure until you have first acknowledged the failure. I stopped to think and started to write down my failures. In that moment, I felt so overwhelmed. I thought of all the ways I had failed in 2017– all the things I wanted to accomplish and didn’t, the frustrations and failures I felt in my personal life and with my kids… and on and on the list went.

Failure can be debilitating if we don’t know how to handle it.

Peter’s Failure

One of the best examples of life after failure is the story of Peter. Peter’s story is so sad, but I can so easily relate to it. In Jesus’ deepest hour of pain and need, Peterone of His closest friends betrays Him. The Bible says that Peter cursed and denied ever knowing Jesus. At that moment, Jesus looked on Peter, Peter heard the rooster crow, and in that moment the weight of his failure sank in. The Bible says that Peter went out and wept bitterly.

How do you come back from a failure like that? Peter, one of Jesus’ closest friends, betrayed Him. Yet Jesus knew Peter was going to do this and gave him advice days before. We find His advice in Luke. Jesus is talking to Peter and says,

And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat: But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren. Luke 22:31,32

Jesus says, “Simon, (Peter) Satan wants to separate you and pull you away from Me. But I have prayed for you, and when you come back to Me… strengthen your brethren.” Jesus knew that Peter was going to fail, so He gave Him what he needed to be able to make it back. “When you do fail, come back to Me,” Jesus said. “And after you come back to Me, use your failure to be an encouragement to your friends and family.”

Less than two months later, Peter preaches at Pentecost and over 3,000 people get saved!

What an encouragement to remember life is not over after failure!

After Failure

Jesus used Peter’s failure in such an incredible way. How can we learn from his example? How do you use your failure to propel you forward to accomplish what God has for you?

  1. Allow your failure to refocus your attention back on Jesus.
  2. Follow your failure up with a second chance. Try again.
  3. Commit to empathy towards others, not just authority. Don’t forget where you’ve come from.
  4. Use your failure to grow your faith.
  5. Leverage your failure with humility and strength.

If we can take those five steps, we will be able to come back after failure stronger than ever and be ready to accomplish what God has for us.