Tag Archives: friendship

Friends Wanted: How to Cultivate Friendships in a Lonely World

Leave a reply

I think it’s pretty easy to say that we all want friends, not just acquaintances or friends on Facebook. We all legitimately want those few people in our lives who love us and understand us and want to be a part of our lives. We crave deep friendships with people, yet most of us haven’t figured out how to find those kinds of friends, let alone invite them into the deepest parts of our hearts and homes.

Find Your People

I’m reading Find Your People by Jennie Allen right now, and it’s been both encouraging and convicting at the same time. She deals with this issue of building community in a lonely world.

The fact of the matter is, we all want friends and people to do life with. Yet, I daresay most of us would say that we feel all alone in this world most of the time. In this digital age, we have people around us 24-7 through social media, emails, tv, blog posts, etc. So, how come it is that we go to bed feeling all alone in this world?

The 3-5 Friends Challenge

The scientific proven number of people that we can track closely with is 3-5 people. That’s it. While it sounds like we should have more friends than that, if you truly stop and think about it, that’s probably more than we could say we’re truly close with.

Here’s a challenge. Take a moment and write down the names of 3-5 people that are your closest friends. By close friends, this is what I mean:

  • Someone that lives near you that they could drop everything and be at your house in a few minutes if needed (Note: one of my good friends lives an hour away, but we make it work)
  • Someone who truly cares about you and wants to know how you’re doing
  • The person that loves you just as you are and isn’t trying to change you but is willing to confront you if you get way off-base or off-track
  • The person who sees you for you with all your faults and flaws and still loves you and wants to spend time with you

If you’re like me, you found this exercise a little harder than you thought it would be. That’s because we all struggle in this area of making friends. You may have hundreds of followers on Facebook but not any friends that you do life with day-to-day.

My Answer to Finding Friends and Cultivating Friendships

Making friends is something I really struggle with. I don’t let people into my life easily. I’m a very independent person and hate to be a bother to anybody. I used to stress because I knew I needed friends, but I didn’t know how or where to find them. I had no idea where to even start. Then one day, all that changed in a way I never saw coming.

One day, out of the blue, Matt told me he wanted to start small groups at our church. He handed me a book to read on the topic. I read the book and understood all the in’s and out’s and why’s of starting small groups in our church. I’ll be honest, though, I wasn’t really looking forward to it. That was over seven years ago.

My Small Group

Fast forward several years. It took several groups and reshifting people and groups before we finally started gelling with our group. We have now been with our small group for six years. They have been become such a vital part of our lives that I can’t imagine doing life without them.

our friends in our small group

These pictures were taken at our last Friendsgiving. We started as strangers and have now become close friends. I know that I could call anybody in my group in an emergency and they would drop whatever they were doing to come help. We’ve been through so much life together—the highs and the lows, the good and the bad. We have forged such deep friendships over years of meeting together weekly and settling around our table with good food, fellowship, Bible study, and prayer.

I’m not good at tracking down friends to do life with, and my small group has become the outlet for me to meet with my friends faithfully each week. I know that without the structure of meeting with my group every week, I would not invest in those relationships like I need to. I would probably let those relationships just slip away.

Starting a Small Group

If you, like me, have found yourself lonely and wanting to develop deep connection and community with people but don’t know where to begin, let me encourage you to join Matt and I tomorrow morning at 9am EST on our Manney Resources Facebook Page.

We are doing a training on small groups. We are going to share with you the simple system we use to get groups started.

These are the words Matt wrote about the training tomorrow: Small groups are the difference between those who make it and those who don’t. Life is too short and difficult to go at it alone. Learn the power and impact of developing a small community, finding a rhythm for your schedule to meet, and how to leverage the power of friendships to grow your faith and change your life.

We will be answering all these questions and more:

  • How do I start a group?
  • Who should I invite?
  • Where should we meet?
  • What’s the format for a small group?
  • What Bible studies should I use?

If you want to cultivate friendships and stop doing life by yourself, be sure to tune in tomorrow morning at 9am!

For More Encouragement

Jennie’s book, Find Your People is a great read! I’m really loving it and being challenged by it. You can also read one of my posts about our growth group, Love is Still the Answer.

3 Ways to Develop Deep Friendships

Leave a reply

My Reminder on Sunday

Sometimes I forget how valuable good friendships are, and then something happens to remind me. This past Sunday was just that. Matt and I were tired Sunday morning after a long week. We had been dealing with a difficult situation all week and were weary and discouraged. After church, good friends of ours stuck around until everyone had left just to talk to us. They asked how we were doing, asked what our thoughts were about some things, and just listened as we talked. The longer we talked, it was like the burden began to lift. They honestly couldn’t really do anything to fix the situation we were facing, but they began to help carry the burden with us. By the end of the conversation, my friend and I were laughing hysterically. Our husbands both stopped and looked at us and asked what was so funny. It was so good to laugh! It was so freeing. I didn’t realize how tense and worked up I had been.

Friends Help Carry Your Burdens

I left that conversation and went home with a smile on my face and a lightness in my heart. Nothing had changed, but at the same time, everything had changed. Our friends had come alongside and carried our burden with us. There is an old proverb that says:

A joy shared is a double joy. A burden shared is half a burden.

That is exactly how it feels when someone carries your burden with you. It doesn’t feel quite so heavy and cumbersome anymore, and you don’t feel so alone. When you are struggling, and your faith is waning, a good friend comes along and helps carry you through. They have faith enough for the both of you.

David and Jonathon

I think David felt this when Jonathon met with him in I Samuel 23. David had been on the run from Jonathon’s dad, King Saul for a long time. He was weary, tired, discouraged, even angry.

…And Saul sought him every day, but God delivered him not into his hand. I Samuel 23:14

David could not escape Saul. He was constantly on the run, constantly alert and vigilant. He had to be so worn out and discouraged. I find it interesting that Saul couldn’t find David, but just a few verses later, Jonathon is able to find and meet with David.

And Jonathon Saul’s son arose, and went to David into the wood, and strengthened his hand in God. I Samuel 23:16

Jonathon goes to David and talks to him and encourages him and somehow he fortifies David’s faith in God. That’s what really good, Godly friends do. They strengthen your faith and fortify your spirit to keep trusting God and to keep staying faithful.

Good Friendships Take Work

This week reminded me to keep working on my friendships. Good friendships don’t come easy. They take work, but they are worth it! I remember a time when Matt and I didn’t really have any close friends. We have had to work to cultivate the friendships we have now.

3 Ways to Develop Deep Friendships

Here are three things we have learned over the years that have helped us to develop these kinds of friendships.

  1. Be hospitable. Have friends over. Make a nice meal, play games, chat over dessert and coffee, watch a movie, do whatever works for you. The more time you spend together, the more the relationship will grow. And the more relaxed you are, the more relaxed your friends or potential friends will be, and that will help to cultivate a relationship.
  2. Be real. Nobody likes a phony. As you try to grow friendships, let the real you show. You don’t want to pretend to be somebody you are not, or you will forever have to keep that up. Let people get close to the real you, and let them decide if they want to be your friend.
  3. Just show up. Good friends keep showing up for each other. Keep listening to your friend’s burdens and frustrations. Don’t try to tell them how to fix things, or what to do differently. Simply be a friend. Go through life together– the good and the bad.

Photo credit: Tatiana Vavrikova