Tag Archives: struggle

A Disastrous Date and My God Problem

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our disastrous date at chick fil a

Our Disastrous Date

Last week, Matt and I went to Chick-fil-A for our weekly breakfast date. I was really tired, and that’s not a great setup for a good date. Nevertheless, I pushed myself to get ready and get out the door, convinced I could make this work.

Well, you can probably see the handwriting on the wall. It didn’t go well. We started talking, and I started sharing. No matter what Matt said, no matter how he tried to encourage me, I was just not having it. Finally, he got frustrated because I obviously didn’t want to be pulled out of the dark hole I was in.

By the time our date finished, we hadn’t really solved anything; and both of us were discouraged and frustrated. The drive home was silent. When we got almost home, Matt pulled over. We both knew if we pulled up in front of the house, the kids would come running out. That would ruin any chance we had of trying to make things right. We talked for a few more minutes. Both of us apologized, and I told him I was really tired. I shouldn’t have even brought up some of the things I said because I wasn’t in a frame of mind for dealing with it.

My Meltdown

We came home after that. A few minutes later, I was swamped with school questions, fighting kids, and a messy house. I went upstairs to the bathroom to have a few minutes of peace, if I was lucky. (Moms, you know what I mean!)

I sat down on the toilet with the lid down and looked out the window, utterly dejected. After a few minutes, I prayed and told God how tired and frustrated I was and how I had made such a mess of things on our date. Sitting quietly for a moment, I waited; and God brought this thought to mind.

“Do you feel better? You shared your frustrations, fear, worry, and anger with Matt. Do you feel better for it?” I answered the rhetorical question. No. Ironically, I had done the exact same thing a few weeks ago. I hadn’t felt any better after that date either. So why did I do it again? Then this thought hit me. There are certain fears, worries, cares, concerns that you can only take to God. Once that thought hit me, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It suddenly seemed so clear. I was trying to get Matt to meet this deep inner need that he was never going to be able to meet.

My Struggle was with God

See the struggle I was having was with God. I was frustrated with God not coming through on things I thought he should. My faith was fragile that day. I was hurt and felt unloved by God. All of those things I was feeling should have been directed to and dealt with by God. Instead, I took them to my husband, expecting him to be able to do something about it.

God reminded me in the few silent minutes I carved out in the bathroom that there are certain needs I have that only God can fill. That emptiness, loneliness, hurt, and pain is a God-sized hole in our heart that only he can fill.

I’m not going to be a sadist and say that you need to go at it alone, that only God can meet your needs, and you don’t need other people. That’s absolutely not true, and God has really showed me over the last few years how incredibly much I need people in my life. But there are times, I believe, that only God can meet us in that dark place that we’re in. And if we try to tell other people about it or bring them into the darkness with us, it only makes things worse.

Finding God in the Darkness

So, if you find yourself in the boat I was in, if you feel like your heart is cracking. You’re struggling with your faith, hurt, and fears. You’ve tried to talk to other people, but no matter what they say, you can’t be encouraged, it may be that you have a God problem that only God can fix.

So stop getting frustrated with people who can’t fix you. Look up and talk to the only one who can really meet you in this dark place. Let him be the one to hear your burdens, fears, worries, and concerns. Remember I Peter 5: 7, one of my favorite verses.

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

I Peter 5:7

If we can begin to understand this concept of taking our deepest fears and concerns to God instead of other people, we will find he is there for us. He’s been waiting all along to carry those burdens for us; he was just waiting for us to release them to him.

More Encouragement

For more encouragement along these lines, check out my post, Finding the Tenacity to Wrestle with God. A good book recommendation is Get Out of That Pit by Beth Moore. I read it a few years ago and need to read it again. It’s a really good book.

When Everybody Else is Succeeding Except for You

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When Everybody Else is Succeeding Except for You

Do you ever feel like everybody else is succeeding in life except for you? Sometimes it feels like everybody has their act together except for us. Of course, the way this most often manifests itself is on social media. Everybody on social media is succeeding; at least, that’s how it feels

I’m not usually one of those people that has to take a break from social media. I am on social media often because of trying to build a platform for my books and for Manney Resources. Usually, I can hop on, scroll around, and hop off and it doesn’t bother me. Lately though, it’s been a source of continual frustration.

My Own Personal Struggle

Let me peel back the curtains and give you a glimpse into my personal life. I write books and blog posts for Faithfully Stepping, but I also write fantasy fiction books under my pen name, A. J. Manney.

Well, there is a young mom on Instagram that started writing this past year. She’s an independent author like myself and published her first book on Amazon in November of 2020. She had very little social media presence prior to her book launch.

Her book has done exceptionally well. She has over four hundred reviews already for it. She’s written three more books since then, and they’re all doing really well. Meanwhile, my book hasn’t even hit twenty reviews yet, and it’s been out for a year longer than hers. Watching her book take off has been incredibly hard for me. I’ve really struggled with wondering whether I should even continue down this path.

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out why it is I’m not succeeding, trying to figure out what to change. I’ve cried, stressed, worked harder, tried more things, only to come up empty time and time again. I’ve been so frustrated with it lately, and I feel like every time I jump on social media I see somebody else who is killing it. It’s really been defeating for me.

Then God gave me a simple reminder a few days ago that came in the form of a simple flower.

Two Different Flowers

When you look at the two pictures below, what do you notice? How are they different? Which one do you want in your home?

flower succeeding in full bloom

I think we would all say that we love the first flower. It’s beautiful. It’s in full bloom and doing what it was created to do. The second flower, not so much. It’s not beautiful yet. It’s actually kind of ugly at the moment. It doesn’t draw our attention like the first flower does.

I saw these two flowers the other day and snapped a picture. God brought this thought to mind, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since: There is only one difference between the first flower and the second…time. Both flowers receive the same amount of sunlight and water. The same caretaker cares for them. They are similar in every way except one bloomed sooner than the other.

When it’s the right time, that second flower is going to bloom. It will be beautiful. It will catch people’s eye. No one will remember when it was ugly; they will only remember it in full bloom

A Time for Succeeding

Solomon reminds us in the book of Ecclesiastes that there is a time for everything.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

Ecclesiastes 3:1,2 KJV

If you’re in a season of life right now like I am where you feel like everyone around you is succeeding, but you’re not and no matter how hard you work, you just can’t seem to get ahead…maybe it’s simply a timing thing.

Remember that God took Moses to the backside of a desert for 80 years before God led him to free the children of Israel. It took fifteen years for David to become King after Samuel anointed him. Joseph was around seventeen when he had his dreams, but it wasn’t until he turned thirty that God brought his dreams to pass and he became second in command of all of Egypt. Jesus waited thirty years before beginning his public ministry that only lasted three years. Yet, those three years of ministry make Him the most well-known person in history.

I think we could agree that each of these people led amazing lives of faith that still inspire us today. Yet each one of them had this in common—they led lives of obscurity until God brought them into the light.

God’s Timing

God’s timing is so much better than ours because he thinks so differently than we do. Why? Because we think only in terms of the here and now. God thinks in view of eternity.

For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, says the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8,9 MEV

If you are feeling right now that you just aren’t where you thought you’d be by now, that you just aren’t succeeding as you should be, let me give you two thoughts to encourage you.

1. It’s a Timing Thing

It’s just not the right time. You just aren’t in full bloom yet. Right now, you’re still growing, still finding your way. When it’s the right time, you are going to bloom…and it’s going to be beautiful.

But don’t stop working hard, pushing, striving, creating, and becoming the best you can be at what you are doing. So when the time is right, you will be ready to succeed.

2. God Is Using the Tension to Push You to Greatness

I’m reading When Women Pray: 10 Women of the Bible Who Changed the World through Prayer by T. D. Jakes as a part of my morning time routine. I’m loving this book. It’s been such an encouragement to me and just what I need right now.

I read this the other day…

Do you realize that God often intentionally brings rivals into your life to provoke you? Not to provoke you to anger or jealousy, but to provoke you to greatness. To poke you and prod you toward the potential He sees in you.

When Women Pray

Go back and read that again. It’s so good, isn’t it? I decided that this author has been brought into my life to provoke me. Not to make me mad or jealous, but simply to push me towards the potential God sees in me. What an amazing way to turn things around. What a great way to think about it!

Who in your life right now is God using to push you towards your potential, towards the greatness He knows is inside of you because He placed it there Himself?

I don’t know where you’re at right now. Maybe this doesn’t even apply to you. But if you are someone who needed to hear this today, I hope these words encourage your heart.

Encouragement for Today

If God has placed someone in your life who is always one step ahead of you. She has more social media followers, she makes more sales or income, has a nicer house, dresses better, and on and on the list goes…realize that she might be in your life simply to push you towards your potential. So don’t get mad. Don’t give up. Use it to push you towards the greatness God has for you.

If it’s a timing issue, there is absolutely not one thing you can do. It’s in God’s hands. Read this verse and let these words encourage your heart.

So be content with who you are, and don’t put on airs. God’s strong hand is on you; he’ll promote you at the right time.

I Peter 5:6 MSG

You be you, and let God do the work of promoting you in due time. When it’s the right time, you will bloom and it will be the most beautiful thing to see.